OK… so today has been one of those days where all forms of technology seemingly decided to turn against me in unison and make my day shit.
I write this at 5.20pm at a point where I just cursed at an automatic door for not opening fast enough.
OK… now onto the systematic naming and shaming of all technology that dared cross me today.
1- Nik’s alarm clock. I have no idea what’s wrong with it but the only part of it that ever seems to work is the snooze button. Even though it makes possibly the most hideous noise on earth it still can shake that slumbering giant across the hall..
2- My cell phone… OK… I know I dropped you in the toilet when I was tiddly once but I said sorry, cleaned you, and let you sleep in the hot water cupboard. Please stop going flat all the time and deciding that some buttons just won’t work on certain days.
3- Rhino 3D. This is a CAD modelling program that is good. Sometimes. It has this nifty 3D animator software built in also which would be great. EXCEPT IT IS HORRIBLE! Apart from making it insanely difficult to move things (typically the idea of an animation) there is no undo option, meaning you need to save after every time you don’t cock up and reopen the file if you do. Furthermore once you’ve battled your way to the end the ‘estimated time to completion’ calculator seems to pick any time ranging from now to 3 weeks and takes it upon itself to pick anytime in the middle to display for a few minutes at random giving you no real indication of how long you will really need to wait. And the best part… there is no option to preview. So in three weeks when my animation renders its last frame only then can I find out if it’s really as I wanted.
4- Massey Printers. OK seriously! What the hell is your problem? In what universe does it take 45 minutes to print off 6 A3 pages? And why is that damn flashing green light mocking me instead of printing my work? And when it decides not to print where does my money go and how do I get it back?
5- Windows PC’s. First things first… Why the hell am I even using one to start with, well, shock horror… Rhino 3D only works on Windows, now I’m so happy I could just shit! Apart from clicking the START button to shut you down what is the deal with all your extra pop up boxes? Hey Bill Gates, how often do you close all that programs you’re using, move the mouse down to the bottom left corner, click, move the mouse again to the ‘Log Off’ button, and click again by accident? Coz I got to be honest… its never happened to me but for some odd reason the friendly people inside the computer decide they should just ask again just to be certain. I really wish there was a third option next to ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ that said ‘Yes of course I want to log off… I hate you! How the fuck was that an accident? And even better is if then it sent ‘Good Ol’ Bill’ and email directly telling him someone had clicked that button instead of the other two. Then I don’t think I would mind so much.
6- Firefox. Signing in to anything. I think it’s great you remember my username. That’s super. But why on earth do you always ask me if I want you to remember my password? They have a box for that on the site! But fair enough… assume I forgot to check that box… next time I’ll just make sure I remember to, lets face it, this is a site I want you to remember my password to, I figure I’ll be here again.
Dear Technology,
It’s great that you try to help me all the time and sometimes you really do. But other times in an attempt to help me you just get in the way. A Navy Seal doesn’t need a Zimmer frame just in case they fall down. As for the rest of you please don’t be awesome 50% of the time and shit the other half… that’s just as bad as being average all the time. Instead be more focused and get one thing perfect then do the rest. So what if your car is super fast, can fly, and swim underwater… if you forgot to put wheels on it its not a car, its a paperweight!
Yours Sincerely
Adam
xoxox
Well… that was cathartic. Now back to work.
